My mind imprison'd keep;

I am uninspired. I feel lost and without a cause. I have things to say but can't muster enough effort. I thought I care about a lot of things, but maybe in honesty I just don't, and I don't realize it. Cos it feels like another me is taking over again, while I watch from the sidelines.

Maybe later. Maybe soon. Maybe never.

Sometimes I picture all your fingers, sometimes they're crawling down my spine

Tag. Aku suka Tag Heuer Diamond Fiction. Siapa nak masuk meminang adik-adik aku, tolong beli jam ini jadi hadiah langkah bendul untuk aku ye. Tapi kalau nak masuk meminang aku, sila beli Diamond Fiction bersertakan Maurice Lacroix Starside Sparkling Date Watch. Sekian terima kasih.

Bagaikan virus yang menular, I was hit by the tag fever too, courtesy of Detektif Remaja Magenta Kindaichi. Awww sho schweet. 15 random facts about me. Kalau ada fakta berulang I would like to apologize in advance, kapasiti memori aku belum diupgrade lagi.

1.
Dari tahun 2001 sehingga 2008, aku sudah tukar pakai 9 atau 10 bijik handphone. Aku memang suwey dengan handphone sebab aku pelupa, careless, dan sengal. Tertinggal di fitting room, dicuri di surau, jatuh dari tingkat 4, mangsa pickpocket di Petaling Street/Pudu, kebiasaannya tertinggal somewhere and menjadi mangsa orang yang tak jujur. Orang-orang begini aku sumpah dia kemalangan dan mati bergelumang dalam tahi mereka sendiri.

2.
Aku suka bau duit baru. Kebiasaan kalau aku baru dihulur duit elaun, atau baru draw duit dari ATM, or dapat duit raya, aku akan hidu dahulu sebelum disimpan. Mak aku marah katanya buruk perangai, tapi I can't help it. Duit yang buruk diterima dari mamak tak akan di hidu ye.

3.
I'm a collector. Okay fine, some would call me hoarder but I call it collecting. I collect chopsticks, keychains, fridge magnets, foreign and old currencies, watches, perfumes and cameras. I will always keep books, mangas, Shell's Ferrari model cars, anime premiums, movie stubs, travel documents, notebooks, sketchbooks and birthday cards.

4.
I get my music from TV series. I watch something, I hear something I like, I'll find it. It's great really, that's how I get stuff like Loquat, Trespassers William, Susie Suh, The Watson Twins, Ryan Adams, Michael Tolcher, Red House Painters, Rilo Kiley, The Postal Service, The Flaming Lips, Bloc Party, The Shins, Interpol, Cary Brothers, Kate Havnevik, American Analog Set, Cat Power, Sia, Explosions in The Sky and Butterfly Boucher. The rest comes from friends like M83, Mogwai, Sigur Ros and The Perishers and a I go to a Mix CD community on LJ for more obscure choices. It's rare that I download a whole album, or care to find out background details of the artistes as to how they look like, or whatever. Because I like the songs, not the people singing it. I don't like assigning a face to a voice I like, it spoils things. Antara faktor I don't frequent Youtube.

5.
Aku rabun jauh. Power contact lenses aku 425 for each eye. And I still have difficulties reading signboards while driving. I sleep with my contact lenses on, I probably have even worn a pair for as long as 3 months without taking them off. One time I drove wearing only 1 contact lens, just in my right eye and scared the shit out of my friend yang jadi passenger when she saw me steering through the traffic at SS 15's roundabout with one hand over an eye.

6.
I'm not scared of heights, but aku sangat sangat gayat dan seriau bila naik flyover tinggi-tinggi, lagi-lagi if the flyovers have sharp turns. Example of flyovers yang boleh buat aku lemah jantung, the one heading to Cyberjaya, the one yang sangat tinggi dari Subang Jaya ke Sunway, the ones heading to UIA, and such. I kept on imagining the car losing control and steered its way through the barriers and flew over it then crashing on the roads below and if this happens, confirm aku mati.

7.
Aku perlu sekurang-kurangnya 30 minit untuk mamai bila bangun tidur, and time tu aku antara dengar tak dengar, ingat tak ingat akan keadaan sekeliling, kalau orang keliling cari pasal memang kena maki. And kebiasaannya time aku sudah mula menjawab soalan orang tu, aku sebenarnya belum sedar lagi, and time tu aku sangat honest. Aku pernah mengangkat telefon, berborak, janji nak berjumpa orang, maki orang, menjawab apakah password laptop aku, dan bercerita tentang mimpi, tapi semua pun aku tak ingat kalau bukan diingatkan oleh orang yang bertanya/mendengar. Bahaya indeed, one time I almost pick up The Bastard's phone, girlfriend dia telefon, and just before I answer it, he realized it and snatched the phone away. Oh well, kantoi juga eventually. Amongst anime people, this condition is called, AB blood type.

8.
Aku suka mandi hujan. Dari dulu sampai sekarang. Baru haritu aku mandi hujan pukul 3 pagi, berbaring di porch pandang langit. Dengan harapan dapat wash away semak-semak dalam hati. Tapi angin terlalu kencang aku pulak tak tahan sejuk. Menggigil sampai sakit gigi. Takpe, lain kali.

9.
I love eating Koko Krunch. Especially for sahur. Dulu lepas SPM, aku duduk rumah, tak bekerja, tidur sampai petang, aku hanya akan bangun makan Koko Krunch before staring at the TV sampai aku tidur semula. Ape point? Walaupun aku tak buat apa, I didn't gain weight sebab I only ate Koko Krunch.

10.
Aku bercakap dengan orang aku akan maintain eye contact. Maka aku jadi sangat pantang orang yang bercakap dengan aku tak maintain eye contact. But I've come to learn that setengah orang are just plain cacat different, doesn't mean they're not interested in the conversation or they're being disrespectful and rude.

11.
I don't have any kind of stat counter di blog aku. I wouldn't know how many hits, dari mana, pukul berapa, guna browser apa, what search terms used, anything lah. I just don't find it necessary to know if people are reading or not. If they want to make their presence known they can just leave a comment kan.

12.
Aku ada bad habit kopek bibir. Luka berdarah-darah pun aku masih akan kopek selagi aku tak rase licin and free from dried bits. Rasa darah sendiri adalah sangat sedap by the way. Kalau dah luka berdarah, aku akan tekapkan dengan tomato sejuk dan enjoy the pain that shoots up sambil gigit tomato sejuk yang masam itu. Yes, I am aware of my masochistic side. Aku suka direnjat oleh that stupid pen yang digunakan to play pranks on people juga.

13.
I have this crazy fear of rejection. Sebab tu tak pernah job hunting, or admit suka anybody. If I like anybody, I'll just kill the feeling. And most of the times the fear is rational. Sometimes it works out okay. Jobs come to me. Men come to me. But I know I've gotta change that soon.

14.
Waktu muda-muda dulu I tell myself aku hanya akan kahwin dengan a chef, who plays drums, and are into cars serta drives like a demon. Kerana aku tak reti masak tapi suka makan, so aku kena kahwin dengan orang yang suka masak. Kerana aku suka drum tapi tak reti main so aku kena kahwin dengan drummer. Kerana I get all hot and bothered when tengok orang main drums dengan hebat turut menjadi faktor. Kerana aku suka fancy pretty cars and kalau laki aku pun kaki kereta maybe dia boleh bagi aku bawak juga. And also cos I get hot and bothered tengok a skilled, fast and sleek driver in action turut menjadi faktor. Dan kerana semua ini jarang sekali wujud in a guy altogether, aku mungkin takkan kahwin anytime soon.

15.
Walaupun aku cepat bosan dan tak suka keadaan menjadi stagnant, aku sangat tak suka benda yang aku gemar stopped being something consistent. I need it to be a constant. Kebiasaannya on food. Like beriani, and nasi ayam mak aku. Kalau mak aku adventurous dan ubah recipe sikit, aku takkan boleh makan. Or Subway Melt. Or Dave's Deli's Saltin Boca.

Sorry, I don't really have the knack to shorten my pieces, kalau mata berpinar and jari sakit, it's Magenta's fault :p I'm tagging Azroy Bin Jeff, Pearlicia, Kambenk Sepet, Fouad Al-Hazred and Her Possumness.

This could be Heaven or this could be Hell

Aku sebenarnya seboleh-boleh tidak mahu menulis tentang politik. Selain dari kerana tidak berminat nak mengunjung kontroversi, aku juga tidak mahu mewujudkan suasana di mana orang melabel aku seperti ini atau seperti itu kerana sesuatu pandangan aku., ataupun menimbulkan jurang antara aku dan orang-orang comel yang membaca repekan aku. Yes, of course, it's also because I am not well-versed in it, aku baca nama-nama tetapi jarang-jarang sekali aku tahu hujung pangkal as to who they are in the political scene. Aku memang payah sikit title-title ni. Kalau aku jumpa sebarang tokoh politik pun aku takkan sedar.

Ye, bab kalau kau tanya, hey, what handphone should I buy if I have the budget of RM 700 to RM 1300, aku boleh jawab. Kalau kau tanya, kau lagi suka Pax Vikedal atau Hopen wardrobe, aku boleh jawab. Kalau kau tanya, apa pendapat kau tentang the Kashmir dispute between India and Pakistan and how best you think we should resolve it, I still probably can answer.

Tetapi, aku nak bersuara, kerana kebelakangan ni aku SUKA baca mamat ni. Lepas sahur tadi aku terlihat lintasan berita ringkas, blogger Syed Azidi Syed Aziz was arrested last night under the Sedition Act. What is this, another crackdown? According to The Star, he was arrested and is under investigations for instigating that Malaysians should fly our flags upside down, symbolising how our nation is in distress. What? That's it? Really meh that is WHY?

Sure, many will agree that it's disrespectful, but he doesn't mean disrespect. Apa yang lagi disrespectful terhadap negara adalah orang yang tidak menjalankan tanggungjawab. The people yang telah mengangkat sumpah terhadap negara, tetapi sedang bersenang-lenang whilst the people they swore to represent are feeling unspoken for.

Kita terlalu taksub with symbols and logos and pictorial representations of what we are. Itu yang marah semuanya dengan tindakan Sheih Kickdefella raising the Malaysian flag upside down. Terlalu literal kita ni. Yeah la, semua kan jiwa puitis halus, lebih senang melabel sesuatu pada perkara-perkara simbolik, untuk menjadi representation sesuatu yang zahir. Sehinggakan yang zahir sebenarnya sudah menuju hancur luluh, tapi bagi mereka tak mengapa, yang penting yang simbolik lagi perlu dijaga. Secara halus yang kita tidak lihat? The disrespect and betrayal dari golongan pemimpin yang supposedly bekerja FOR us, kini telah ditunggang terbalikkan sehingga rakyat yang bekerja for them, for their families, kita lihat tak?

Nak anti aku anti lah, aku memang bukan antara mereka yang patriotik, yang pandang tinggi akan panji-panji kebesaran negara, bagi aku bendera itu hanya sehelai kain yang melabel dan beza-bezakan nation. Adakah ini bermaksud I'm disrespectful towards my home country? Menghina negara? If I put on display a cute little flag sebesar tapak tangan aku, does that mean aku memperkecilkan Malaysia? If I am one of those people yang meletakkan bendera pada hood kereta sehingga hampir hitam bendera itu, adakah aku dikira rakyat yang mencemarkan negara? Bendera di tiang lampu tergantung tidak kukuh, jatuh ke atas jalan dan aku sebagai pemandu hanya mampu menggilis bendera tersebut dengan tayar aku yang memang dah sehitam rambut aku, am I supposed to go, "Shit! Aku telah menggilis negara dengan tayar kereta aku! Damn!"


Ramai yang bersuara mengatakan, daripada buat begini kepada bendera tercinta, baik syorkan kita terbalikkan gamba Pak Lah, sebagai tanda kita semua mahu dia step down. Bendera diterbalikkan itu dibuat dengan laungan, the nation is in distress. Terbalikkan gamba Pak Lah? Orang tua itu bukan in distress. Dia, suku-sakat dia, kroni makaroni dia; banyak duit, kaya-raya, tak reti malu, manade in distress?

Again, sebelum ada yang nak go all emo, an upside down flag is a sign that the nation is in distress. Kekacauan, huru-hara, anarki. Ya, Malaysia tidak se-distressed negara-negara yang sedang berperang, countries in famine and plagues, economy in shambles, tapi yang semua nak mengamuk over bendera dia nak terbalikkan ni awatnya? Itu cara dia melaungkan protes, kau nak cara lain buat la cara lain, tak perlu kata yang dia ni jahat kerana konon-kononnya ini suatu penghinaan kepada negara.

Apa makna bendera tu tegak berkibar sekalipun if we're in this current state? Penyalahgunaankuasa and corruption are rampant, basic human rights are being violated left and right, undang-undang are only to be enforced towards certain people, and are free to be ignored by other certain people, inflation on the rise, cost of living is getting higher not intercorrelating well with the level of income, education is still sub par, too many are still not able to school their children, and the biggest issue yang orang kita risaukan hanyalah Malay Supremacy dan bendera terbalik? Apakah?

Menurut kata Encik Wikipedia mengenai Sedition Act; the act criminalises speech with "seditious tendency", including that which would "bring into hatred or contempt or to excite disaffection against" the government or engender "feelings of ill-will and hostility between different races".

So I'm sure this falls under "bring into hatred or contempt or to excite disaffection against the government." Sebengap-bengap aku, I remember a certain somebody who definitely did "engender feelings of ill-will and hostility between different races" dengan racist remark dia (Aku takkan gunakan beliau jika aku tidak rasa perlu). I also recall another certain somebody yang offended many just by a flagging a keris, but heck, kita kan di Malaysia, Malay supremacy adalah antara hak yang terjaga in the Constitution. Kita tak boleh kacau. Dia nak offend and engender feelings of ill-will and hostility between different races tak apa sebab dia ultra-man. So saya yang super bengap ni nak tanya lah ya, adakah mereka ni ditahan under Sedition Act? Dimanakah mereka rasa-rasanya?

“Di dalam peperangan, kita masih menganggungkan betapa hebatnya tukang bawak bendera berjaya mempertahankan panji-panji kita megah berdiri di medan peperangan dan bukannya betapa hebatnya pandekar-pendekar kita berlumuran darah mempertahankan nyawa anak bangsa dari menjadi korban.”

Kamu tahu kamu semua ni bagaikan apa bagi aku? Kamu bagaikan bapa yang marah melenting mengamuk nak bunuh orang apabila kain anak dara kamu diselak tapi buat bodoh sahaja apabila anak kamu itu telah dirogol.

I wish the best for this dude, cos he is witty, funny, not conventional, but who's to say unconventional is morally corrupt? And aku nak my reading materials back bitches!

Ini semua pendapat aku, yang ilmu pengetahuan serba cetek. I'm no journalist. I'm entitled to my own opinion. Bersuara adalah digalakkan, tapi sila bersuara elok-elok dan sopan sebab aku ni senang terguris. Ecey. Susun ayat sebelum dimuntahkan. Kalau nak go on a ravaging bitching mode, hangpa bukak blog sendiri dan have your kicks there. Aku bukan editor majalah yang rasa aku perlu memuaskan semua pihak so kalau aku nak delete sebarang komen, ikut la suka hati wa. I'll leave you with a funny one, an excerpt of konon-konon he interviewed diri sendiri entry in his blog.

"So you think there are better politicians than Pak Lah?
I think Mokhtar Dahari deserved a Tan Sri-ship more than Pak Lah deserved a ride in our Perdana V6 with Gearbox Rosak. I think Pak Lah needs a Kancil. At least the Kancil is known to be brainy."

Cute what this guy. Hehe.

"It always seems to me that people who hate me must be suffering from some kind of lunacy."

To you know who you are, good writers have a point, and wouldn't be random. I'm random. I'm not a good writer. THIS is evidence. Entry yang most likely nobody would read. But who cares?

If you watch Astro, then most likely you know about Astro Box Office. Another way for Astro to eat up our money walaupun dia dah memang bongok ambil duit tapi program tak se up to date 8TV yang free. Buduh.

Last time I really like Astro Box Office. It's a chance to watch foreign movies yang tak berapa senang nak sampai, or indie film yang aku tak rajin nak mendownload. It was better then because there were loads of Japanese movies. One notable favorite yang aku takkan lupa sampai mati is a 1995 movie, Love Letter by Shunji Iwai. That was a damn good movie yang stays with you years after. Melancholic, nostalgic and aching, exactly my kind.

If you paid attention to it thoroughly, it used to be that ABO came with collection of movies that were popular in Film Festivals. Back then lah. They will have like, 5 awesome to good movies and the rest are usually crap. But tak apa, bukan duit aku, duit bapak aku. The number Astro Box Office tu aku memang dah hafal dah. Ramai orang yang paid little to no attention to ABO, but to be fair, its collection of movies these days are crap.

But recently, you must have noticed the excessive advertising of ABO current line up, one notable one being a Japanese movie called Sky of Love/Love Sky. The moment I saw Love Sky it came to me. I remember reading about this movie. This is a movie made from a best selling novel in Japan. What's so fascinating about this novel you say? This is one of those cellphone novels that's was all the buzz in Japanese literary scene.

For the uninitiated, cellphone novels is exactly what it is. Novels typed on mobile phones. As SMSes. Text message format.

[Off topic jap]

We all know the Japanese mode of coming of age is getting a mobile phone. There are no other more robust market for mobile phones than the Japanese, especially so amongst the young. Of course, their technology is different. Here, there are no such thing as ordering shoes through your mobile phone, have it sent to the nearest 7 Eleven for you to pick up.

Especially so the Sony Ericsson ones. They save their best phones for the Japanese market. It's common concept that Sony Ericsson integrates everything Sony into their phones, like Walkman and Cybershot. They now have Bravia integrated into Sony Ericsson phones, for the slowpoke ones, Bravia is Sony's flasghip plasma TV line. One example is this, Sony Ericsson SO903iTV.

A super slim phone with a 3" Sony Bravia widescreen display, 3 megapixel auto-focus camera, software to pause, skip, record live TV, GPS navigation, and Felica cashless electronic payment system. Yes, that's the antenna for them to pick up digital TV signals to watch during long commutes.

This would be a typical day for a young working Japanese.

"His typical day starts with him checking his email on his phone. He gets all his daily tasks and calendaring events this way. He then syncs it with his computer. He pays for the subway by placing the phone on a kiosk granting him access past the gates. The commute is spent watching TV on his phone by rotating the screen. A small antenna extends up and catches the wireless digital TV signals.

About 45 minutes later, he's in Tokyo and heads to a vending machine to buy fresh fruit and water. He places the phone up against a pad. The vending machine reads his bank information which is tied into his phone. He then places his thumb on the phone's tiny thumbprint reader to verify his identity. As he makes his way to the office, he waves the phone near the door handle to unlock it. During a 10 minute break, he's flips thru a magazine and sees something he wants to buy. The item has a tiny stamp size barcode pictogram next to it. He scans the pictogram with his phone. A receipt and shipping confirmation hits his email minutes later.

As the day ends, he syncs with his work computer and goes grocery shopping paying for items with his phone. Before heading home, he heads to a bar his friend has invited him too. He uses the phone to give him step-by-step directions. The day is finally over and his phone's battery is nearing the end of its life. He plugs it in and goes about the rest of the evening relaxing before bed. "

Quoted from Tranism.

And there's been talk about integrating the PSP into Sony Ericsson's line of mobiles, and by then, Nokia's Ngage gaming phones would be rotting in no time. One impressive fan concept I'd like to see Sony Ericsson take into consideration is this one.

Okay cukup la dengan off topic. Takde niat sebenarnya nak go all rabid on Japanese mobile phone technology.

I had wanted to talk about SMS novels/cellphone novels je sebenarnya. Bongok. Love Sky/Sky of Love was originally written in text message form. Of last year's top ten Japan's best-selling novels, half of them were originally written as cellphone novels, mostly love stories written as short stories, characteristic of text messaging format, but contains little of the plotting and character development that would be present in traditional novel format.

"Love Sky/Sky of Love, a debut novel by a young woman named Mika, was read by 20 million people on cellphones or on computers, according to Maho no i-rando, where it was first uploaded. A tear-jerker featuring adolescent sex, rape, pregnancy and a fatal disease — the genre’s sine qua non — the novel nevertheless captured the young generation’s attitude, its verbal tics and the cellphone’s omnipresence. "

Quoted from NY Times.

Of course, cellphone novels are not as long as traditional novels, one chapter would have around 70 words. The 21 year old writer of "If You", had her cellphone novel republished into a 142 page hardcover last year, sold 400,00 copies and became the #5 Best Selling novel last year. Often chided by old school novelist for not having as substantial or extensive storylines, especially so coming from traditional Japanese literary scene, which are most famous for depicting scenes in such emotional breadth.

If you are familiar with Haruki Murakami, Natsuo Kirino or any other Japanese literary sensei, their style is commonly very emotionally descriptive. Take for example Nobel Prize Winner, Yasunari Kawabata's classic, "Yukigini", with its famous opening line, exemplifying exactly that with "The train came out of the long tunnel into the snow country. The earth lay white under the night sky. The train pulled up at a signal stop."

Cellphone novels are devoid of all that, descriptive emotional depiction of scenes. It's more direct and forefront, and the lack of descriptives make it highly relatable to any reader, wherever they may live. In cellphone novels, characters tend to be undeveloped and descriptions thin, while paragraphs are often fragments and consist of dialogue. But I highly disagree with the connotation that they lack in emotions, as emotions are subjectively depicted and interpreted, thus cellphone novels should have the same appeal as short stories, the thin air it hangs on to, the simple words that evoke vast varying feelings, ah you know the drill.

Cellphone novels are typically told in first person, making it like reading a diary. It shouldn't be that much different from that of Murakami, Miyuki Abe or Kirino's work, granted that these traditional novelists are of a different league entirely, given that they come up with extensive vocabulary, storyline, execution whilst cellphone novels are straight forward and predictable. Common grounds is in evoking feelings and emotions, and even though I'm being off topic again since they are debating on whether or not they are valid as novels, it shouldn't be discredited as a sub-genre anyway.

Lady Murasaki

But most importantly, I would agree with some opinions that it pays homage to the style of Lady Murasaki herself. Murasaki Shikibu, the aristocratic early 11th century figure, royal lady-in-waiting, noblewoman author of the fictional, "The Tale Of Genji", written in the Heian Period, which is commonly accepted as the world's first modern novel. Unrealizingly, most of the cellphone novel authors, which are female, seem to channel Lady Murasaki's spirit and perspective in writing, by delving into affairs of the meagre heart. Only, of course, how can these 20 something year olds be compared to the most important Japanese literary figure in history, the mysterious literati herself, whose works have been inspiration to multitudes of modern authors till today. "Genji" specifically was noted for its characterization, psychological depiction and internal consistencies throughout all its chapters and hundreds of characters.

Yoshitaka Amano's paintings of Genji. Yes, of course I want this and while you're at it, get me The Sandman one too.

But the point being, I don't entirely agree with the notion that cellphone novels contribute to hasten the downfall of Japanese literature. It's a great way to start as an author, sheer simplicity in evoking feelings and emotions should come first, then polished with better and more accurate vocabulary, superior grammar, quality of execution, extensive development of characters and plots, and such. Why else would the cellphone novels garner such place in the literary scene, becoming this decade's popular culture, if it didn't strike the right chords?

Maybe I should try watching Sky of Love huh.

Post Scriptum: Mentioning Lady Murasaki does not mean in any way I favor her over Sei Shonagon. Their rivalry does not concern me. I would love to read Genji, and I would still love to have Sei Shonagon's work, "The Pillow Book". Buy for me please?

I live in another world, where life and death are memorized

Ye be warned, this is a heavy pictorial post and severely outdated.

i.

Merdeka Eve, tengok fireworks from the balcony.

Merdeka Day, watched Ismail: The Last Days. I wanted to watch it when I read that they incorporated Usman Awang's poetry, else than Doc Ismail being the most intriguing character in Malaysian political history to me.

I've never been to this kind of play before. The first time was a big scale one in Istana Budaya called Siti di Alam Fantasi, most of them were children but heck, they gave a stellar performance that nobody really cared that Amy Mastura was one of the leads.

Franz Liszt, one of my favourite composers

For this one, it was my first time at KLPAC. It was refreshing to see, that things go very smoothly, well done, well-sang and well worth the standing ovation. The songs are too repetitive at times, but that one haunting song does bode well with the scene. And I was in a delighted glee, it's not always that we get to listen to proper English, not British or American accented(okay maybe more towards British-ish), nor Manglish, but impeccably beautiful. Exactly the kind I like to listen to. It was quite a turn on really. Hmmm.

I was really impressed by the mass of supporting actors, who never forget to play their roles simply because they were in the background. One scene was particularly impressive; a scene where 2 main characters were conversing in the foreground, reminiscing about the past, and the background characters all so befittingly went into slow motion mode. They moved only like 1cm per second that it was almost unnoticeable if it weren't because of one cast, a waitress was walking from one side of the stage to another at THAT speed. Kalau aku, dah terketar-ketar kaki semua. Yeah, end up I was more engaged to watch the background actors than the lead cast.

I took my 2 sisters to this. The Sage was supposed to meet us there, but he got lost. Yeah, the town boy, got lost in KL. Ngahaha.

I drive and shoot at the same time. John Woo can hire me any day.

ii.

Last Friday, a bunch of us got together to celebrate Ju-On's birthday/majlis berbuka puasa at LaGourmet Cafe, The Curve. Blegh. Tak sedap, sikit dan mahal. Lapar seharian pun aku tak sanggup nak habiskan makanan aku. Tolong jangan pergi ya. But the service was very good.

Proceeded to watch a movie, Indonesian horror flick Angker Batu. It wasn't really that scary. I was already fed up because it's so bloody slow I just can't wait for a hantu to pop up, but the suspense building up to a scary scene was scarier than the bloody hantu, and the ghosts were mostly imported from Korea. You know, the weird postures, crawling up the stairs, stuff like that.

But one scene was very commendable, a whimsical, Neil Gaiman-ish, The Cell-like scene where we get to see what the possessed was going through in their heads as they lie there arching in hysterics to the eyes of the helpless crowd. They paid lots of attention to setting up the scenes and moods and backdrops for the movie, but they failed to put enough input in lines, plots and careful construction of the movie's flow. One comedian in the movie saved the day though, just by injecting nice dosage of funniness and silliness, whilst the rest of the actors are batshit terrible at playing serious, horrified, panicked, exhausted and heroic. In the end, it looked more like a badly done, confused zombie movie. Blegh.

We went to the new Rasta afterward, where the workers were clumsy. One dropped a glass and sent shards of glass everywhere, very near to us that our jeans and shoes were the only reasons we weren't getting arterial bleeding. Another one dengan bengap sengal bodohnya menumpahkan HOT WATER atas tangan aku. I was THIS close to being THAT jerk of a customer who snaps and fucking screams her head off at the poor thing. Heck, fighting natural instinct to automatically retaliate was actually kinda frustrating. Tsk tsk.

Ape point sebenarnya semua ni? Since when do my entries have points? Aku rajin nak post gamba hari ni. Tapi malas nak buka Flickr. Hence the nonsensical randomness. To the backwards people who's still using dial-up, do forgive me, and go get a bloody broadband.

Post Scriptum: i. captures from Nikon D40, ii. captures from Canon IXUS 960 IS. Tweaks done on iPhoto.

Why do you listen, when nobody's talking?

Snappish snappish snappish. Too early in the morning to be running errands, I turned into that impatient, panas-baran, berrating bitch again. #3 annoyed me by being a blardy slowpoke. WHY, would a boy take SO fucking long to shower in a cold morning?? Kau teguk air ke bongok? Baru je sahur kot? Pagi-pagi dah kedengaran riuh bagaikan The Furies yang menendang pintu bilik air sambil memaki si jantan yang mandi macam betina.

I wonder if your moms have this habit of, say you're in an argument, she asks a question, you answer it and she retorts with, "Haa menjawab, MENJAWAB!"

"Apsal you do that jugak? Saja nak degil ke apa?"

"Hak ah"

"Ha tengok tu menjawab! Siapa suruh awak menjawab?"

"Dah mak tanya orang jawab ah"

"Tengok tu menjawab lagi!"

da efff?!

Antara conversation tak matang yang keluarga aku perlu dengar from time to time satu masa dahulu. Moms have this habit. Asking questions berulang kali tapi tanak jawapan. I don't. When I morph into a raging bull, and I ask questions, I want an answer, and I want it now. #5 failed at this earlier this morning, usually her slowpokeness and off-topicness is tolerable, cos she's the baby right, but nooo. SNAP SNAP SNAP.

"Do I look like your mother? Asks questions she doesn't want people answering? If I bloody ask something you fricking answer it, correctly and quick!"

Oh my, PMS the pre-historic monster creeps all the way into current. No sleep+crazy hormones. I realize I'm being a jerk, but it just came out anyways, I realize this poor thing has got UPSR today and I better not rattle her up so early in the day, but it came out anyways. I realize this is no longer the person I want to be, but it's still part of me, and it came out anyways. And it feels liberating somehow.

Reached school, she's all quiet because she's afraid she might be walking on thin ice. Anything she say could be reason for fireworks to go off in the car. I feel bad, I don't want her to start her day such way.

"Okay #5, you can do it. Prayers and confidence. Be alert jangan berangan."

"Okay."

"Forget about yesterday's paper, it's in the past it means shit now cos you can't do anything about it. Today, you can still do something about today, so jangan fikir dah about the 3 questions that you hentam-ed yesterday."

"I didn't hentam, teacher said to call it intelligent guesses."

"HAHAHA, Uhhh.. Right, in my day they call it lempar dadu. Yours is a better euphemism."

"What's that, yew-fur-mizem?"

"AND YOU SAID YOU CONCENTRATED IN SCIENCE COS YOUR ENGLISH IS ALREADY THAT GOOD?!"

"Kitaorang tak pernah blaja pon perkataan tu!"

"Okay okay nevermind. Later I tell you, now get out of my car. Remember what I said, forget about yesterday, it's done with, but you can still change today."

"Thanks, by the way, you give better advice than mom."

*hinsh hinsh kembang idong*

By that I know what she means, mom is a critique. It's what she does best. She will never say, "It's okay, it's just 3 questions you didn't get to answer."

She will say, "How come you didn't have enough time? Because you wasted time on other questions right? Because you didn't study enough when I told you to right?"

I do that too, but I soften it up with other extras, ie; encouragements. I got that part from my dad.

Random kah. Yeah I'm feeling a bit under the weather. Severely annoyed, rimas, and semak, especially so thinking about SSEAYP. Another hellish 2 days, this weekend. Stuff about visa and documents and attires. Fook. Mana nak cari traditional costume. I'm no Halloween freak. Damn.

Another one of my pastel crayon sketches, born out of whim.

What's for intermission?

Buncho Pastel Crayons

Sesetengah orang memang suka tag. Like a bleeding psychic who can tell I'd rather crap nonsense in point form today than in the usual essay. So thanx :)

From Si Genit Gampang

1. What were you doing 5 years ago?

Should be, in Taman Zamrud, Bear Hill, Malacca in Alpha Management. Oh those were the good days, spirit all fired up, uni was easy peasy, people still underestimate me as just another plain old tudung girl, bad people were bad, nice people were nice, things were simply black and white. Oh minus the dumb cave people who would just get a serious case of stop-and-stare at the sight of me smoking. At around this time I would be pulling an all-nighter talking to Anna, smoking with a nice warm cuppa instant green Nescafe+instant Milo. Yum. Or getting all cloaked up in my lilac colored hospital blanket, sitting on the railing of the balcony, scaring the dating couples on the park's benches. Yeah these were good times.

2. What were the 5 things on your to do list today?

Buka account Maybank. Woot, jakun.
Threading, check
Meeting this person, check
Meeting that person, check
Meething those people, check
Pick up contact sheet and passport, not checked

3. What are 5 snacks that you enjoy?

Choki-choki(Love em so, that friends always buy this as peace offering for their misdeeds)
Cadbury Hazelnut(This too)
Kit kat(There's a memorable firsttime story with this one)
Ritter Sports(or the other way around-- like sex in little plastic wrapper)
Famous Amos Pecan Chocolate Chip(Share?? HELL NO)

4. What are 5 jobs you've had?

Driver cum errand girl cum personal ikea shopper
Interior decorator consultant cum handyman.
Home PC and networking troubleshooting consultant
Tukang promo Champs Emulsion at primary schools
Judge of Knowledge Discovery's State Level Spelling Bee

5. 5 ppl I want to tag

Langsir
Mangkuk
Molat
Mancis
Dunhill

What now? . . . . I could stay here with you

I'm thoroughly depressed. How can you watch House, MD season 4 finale and not feel such way, after all the previous arcs that carry the same theme. Words and deeds. His actions have consequences, regardless of how he indirectly causes it and refuses to acknowledge it. After Jack Moriarty. A bullet in his stomach didn't make him see it. After Tritter. The troubles that occured didn't make him see it. But has he finally grasp it?

He's the most human, the most honest in this episode, and that last bits of scenes in the end pretty much seals it. Holmes and Watson will never be the same. Can't wait for the next season.

Ahhh drama la kau.

Now I'm gonna need the song from that last scene pula. Sounds like Iron & Wine but I'm not sure.

Today my youngest sister, Setan #5 is sitting for her first paper for UPSR. Resilient little thing, all the best, Nett~!

Okay found it. Ahhah, I knew it's Iron & Wine. If you want it, right-click and save link.

Iron & Wine - Passing Afternoon

There are times that walk from you like some passing afternoon
Summer warmed the open window of her honeymoon
And she chose a yard to burn but the ground remembers her
Wooden spoons, her children stir her Bougainvillea blooms

There are things that drift away like our endless, numbered days
Autumn blew the quilt right off the perfect bed she made
And she's chosen to believe in the hymns her mother sings
Sunday pulls its children from their piles of fallen leaves

There are sailing ships that pass all our bodies in the grass
Springtime calls her children 'till she let's them go at last
And she's chosen where to be, though she's lost her wedding ring
Somewhere near her misplaced jar of Bougainvillea seeds

There are things we can't recall, blind as night that finds us all
Winter tucks her children in, her fragile china dolls
But my hands remember hers, rolling 'round the shaded ferns
Naked arms, her secrets still like songs I'd never learned

There are names across the sea, only now I do believe
Sometimes, with the windows closed, she'll sit and think of me
But she'll mend his tattered clothes and they'll kiss as if they know
A baby sleeps in all our bones, so scared to be alone

Clear Cut

Oh yeah, the collapse of the darn uterus wall.

Wheeeheeee~!

Which means, semua plan berbuka puasa, dan settling stuff like, buat passport, reapply visa, bank-in duit, get new accounts, develop films, keeping appointments with people, must be done during these few days.

Cos I would have my normal, daily, overdosed caffeine intake.

Oh yeaahh.

But still, time to down those Ponstans.

bidadari, sayapmu patah!

MANADE AKU MARAH NGAN BLOGGER. Sket pon tak. Cibai. Ape punya draft feature kalau kau ilangkan semua gambar yang aku dah upload dan text berjela-jela aku dah tulis bongok?! Kau ingat sekejap ke aku nk upload gambar banyak-banyak dengan internet aku yang cam haram ni? Kau ingat tak berpinar ke mata aku browse beribu-riban gambar aku carik gambar aku nak? BUDUH. Sabar. Tarik nafas. Jangan lepas. Haha.

Entry kamera pinhole aku hilang. I will redo it bila rajin. Mungkin lepas aku develop gambar ke. Ntah jadi ke tak my half assed attempt at making a pinhole camera.

Member aku buat aku down ngan argument merepek yang aku sebagai seorang jagung suka take to heart sebab aku kesah sangat apa orang yang berstatus member yang direspect fikir pasal aku. Tapi nasib baik dia pandai pujuk dan melawak balik, dan mengatakan Ketua Hakim Negara kalau dibandingkan dengan aku, aku lagi penting dalam hidup dia. Duhh, mmg la, kenal pulak ketua hakim tu ngan kau. Tapi being me, senang tercalar, senang juga diappease. He was nicer all the way, cuma ada sikit-sikit memerli sana sini yang aku buat dondo je sebab dia tua bangka. Aku baru notice orang yang rajin melayan aku di YM adalah kawan-kawan lelaki berusia 26 tahun ke atas. Kenapa ya?

Aku pelupa. Suis lampu dan kipas rumah aku banyak sangat(mak aku ade fixation dengan lampu), aku tak mampu nak ingat mana satu untuk mana, walaupun dah almost 3 years mungkin, aku duduk di sini. Maka dari aku cuba satu persatu suis, aku akan berjalan dari satu ruang ke ruang yang lain dalam gelap, total darkness, hanya dengan kebiasaan aku dengan rumah sendiri. Tetapi ada salah satu idiot di kalangan adik-adik aku, telah meletakkan one STOOL in the middle of the fucking hallway, for God knows why I can't even comprehend. Hanya kerana selepas guna tak reti nak simpan balik walaupun I've berrated them over and over again about the properness I expect from them. Terbaiklah kena lutut dan tulang kering aku. Dan melayang ayat aku "Akai tu kalau setakat buat hiasan baik campak dalam loji taik!" entah kepada adik aku yang mana satu pun aku tak kesah dah, sebab sakit teramat semua kena maki. Aduh jagung, mana pergi sabar kau?

Kebiasaannya aku akan bawa sejadah ke solat tarawih, big one. Aku akan berkongsi dengan sesiapa sahaja kerana memang rasa itu pun yang patut dibuat. Or kalau aku berpindah ke saf depan yg sudah ada sejadah, aku tinggalkan sejadah itu dibelakang untuk sesiapa saja pakai. Aku takkan ambil juga sejadah aku kehadapan dan put it over somebody else's sejadah, kan ke kurang bersih jadinya sejadah orang kalau aku tindih dengan the base of my sejadah. Aku juga tak sampai hati dahi orang lain getting carpet burns sedangkan aku pula bertindih sejadah kat sini. Tapi makcik, kalau kau nak buat macam tu, sila lah, sejadah engkau kan. Cakap la awal-awal dari kau tindih sejadah aku, boleh juga aku angkat sejadah tu pass kat member sebelah kau. Alamak off topic.

So biasanya aku bawa dengan niat nak berkongsi saja dengan sesiapa yang tak bersejadah, because I feel it's just the appropriate thing to do. Tak pernah aku mengharapkan appreciation. But one very nice lady made my day today. After 8 rakaat, just after doa, she tapped me and said thank you. Aku blur separa mati memula, like ha? Apa aku buat? I think she saw the extreme blurness, so she smiled and pointed to the sejadah. AWWWW. So sweet. Rasa macam nak bawak balik akak ni buat jadi penghibur hati. Setelah berhari-hari menahan sabar dengan makcik-makcik yang macam tak pernah belajar etiquette rapatkan saf (reti nak duduk bawah kipas saja), serta realizing yang aku agak OCD apabila sangat terganggu melihat sejadah yang tidak parallel dengan carpeting, ada satu hamba Allah made it all okay with just 2 words and a smile.

Aku pergi lepak afterwards di Rumah Kopi Taipan dengan berbaju kurung ungu. Sebab rasa dah lambat malas nak tukar baju. Kena gelak dengan member seround. Haha, tak apa, aku rasa aku comel. Bila lagi kau nak tengok aku pakai baju kurung kan? Sekali setahun je mungkin. :p

Baiburu kanojo no kageki, modanna kanojo no shigeki.............!

I kissed a girl 3 girls and I uhhh... liked some of it. :p

I'm a kissing telling bitch, so screw me. One of my best kisses, is with a girl. Yes, a bartender girl with oh-so-yummey boobies. I will never forget you. Okay I might but I won't forget our tonsil hockey session.

So, 5 girls I'd totally do, taken from The Constantly Dramatic One. Way overdue I know. Better do it before fasting month and before I have to be responsible for my male readers' pahala puasa. Hahaha.

I have a thing for brunettes with striking eyes, be it grey, green, brown, but especially brunettes with striking blue eyes. And oh yeah, African American with striking brown eyes like Michael Michele. But the pictures I found of her can't do her justice. Damn. To die for. So here goes.

Dita Von Teese
She's a burlesque. Have you seen the work she's done? Very very S&M. Very very dirty girl. Super slim waist and yummy boobs, I want nothing more to drive me insane. Oh and the eyes. And spank that ass.

Evangeline Lilly
She has the lips, and her body's so toned. Ruffled up or dolled up, I want to do her both ways. On a beach. Stranded on an island. Or on the rocks near a waterfalls inland. And with Josh Holloway watching. Oh yeah. You might not be able to tell from this picture, but she too has striking eyes perfectly contrasting her brown hair.

My absolute favorite, Zooey Deschanel.
Yeah she's skinny. But again, the hair and the eyes. And she's absolute fun and kooky. I'd have a threesome with her and her sister Emily. I bet she's kinky. And I'd make sure she stares at me with her crazy blue eyes all the way. Ngaaa~

Alessandra Ambrosio
I must have a Brazilian supermodel in here, and it absolutely must be Alessandra Ambrosio. Do you see that waist? Those breasts? Those lips? And her beautiful colour? I feel like licking her all over.

My favorite Asian model, Ai Tominaga.
Yeah she's skinny, but she does have scrumptious boobs. And I can stare at her super long legs all day long. She's exotically Japanese, the edgy kind, not the kawaii crapshit type, squinted eyes and all. And you know I have a thing for squinting eyes. :p

For girls, do take this as a tag. ;)

Bitches in Tokyo

Apparently somebody forgot to pay the internet bills.

I was also away for the weekend with the kind of people I loathe, the kind of people can tolerate, and the kind of people I do enjoy.

Certain crowds make me feel empty. It's like they drain your whole being out of you, but you're left with no reciprocal satisfaction in the end like feeling it's for an effort, or time well spent.

I now realize the fucking value of an SB-600/800/900, more to others than me, but most advantageous to me in the end of the day. Funny how powerful people's perception can be huh.

My left eye is driving me crazy, and I'm this close to breaking my glasses and roam the world half blind.

I may have disappointed a friend, in order to not disappoint another friend. I may have made the wrong choice of who to disappoint and vice versa.

She called me pompuan! And this time I think it's a good sign.

I now realize why they can't look me in the eye. How do you maintain eye contact, when you are undressing me, and doing things to me in your mind?

I can interpret some dreams now.

Maybe if you stop undressing me in your head, we can be friends again, like before.

I'm sorry to the people I snapped at today. I am like a soul in the wrong body at this moment, and I vent by being mean as means of making it fit.

Shit, the left eye is now very red.

Melayu doesn't mean I must have at least a pair of kebaya.

Lacking in transparencies and excelling in euphemisms are traits of the pro-old mentality. Unfortunately, it has spread to the younger set too. I refuse to play your game.

I will get to my resume. I've been, chronically distracted by life.

I can't seem to read the backdated, long posts you guys have because my head hurts when my eye won't cooperate with me. Dem yous.

I know you miss me :)

Captured through the window on a friend's engagement day last Sunday

Don't wanna leave Mt Helicon yet? It's okay. Go on, dance a little more with Caliope. Kerana Cinta takkan singgah di rumah yang berkunci tak bertuan.

This feels like the worst hangover ever. Minus the nausea. The bleeping maid woke me up. Before 2pm. Kindly she said she would bring lunch up if I want. Yeah ok whatever. Then she proceeded to pester me gently, to immediately get up. If it weren't because the innards of my brain were having their own fireworks competition, I would've screamed my head off and send the poor thing crying like I did to one before. But because I have more respect for her than the previous dumbo who wrecked my clothes and pretended nothing happened, I gave just one stern OK, she shut up and left.

I'm a suspected AB bloodtype, you can't fricking expect me to hop off the bed the immediate second that I realize I'm awake. And I am my most honest self in that few seconds when I'm able to listen and speak on a subconscious level, just a few moments before lucidity came into play. Ask me anything, even I wouldn't know what my subconscious version of honesty would be, and I won't remember it when I wake up, nothing but very vague recollection of snippets from the damned conversation. Ah, if only she knew how lucky she is. To be the only one in this household that's yet to storm out in exasperation from making the mistake of waking me up before I'm supposed to get up.

Ok, point being, severe headache, batshit dry throat and throbbing eye sockets. So bad that my fav dish looks like vile, fermented feces extracted fr om a dog that died ingesting a poisoned rat. It took me an hour to finish eating 1/3 of my meal. Throbbing headache that when I hear my 16 year old sis and her equally loud dumb blondish friends speaking like any other high-schooler gossipping about boys, I blew my top off and screamed at them to fucking keep it down. Motherfucking pissing AB type bitch. So kids, 30 full cancer sticks in 5 hours will not have you waking up a kind, happy bunny. And it is a fucking bitch to fucking update a blog using a miniscule QWERTY keyboard on a P1.

A little heat and I lose some more sleep, A little sleep and a little more heat

Ada sesiapa pekerja Celcom? Bagitau boss kau, it fucking sucks right now. Ape kes kalau aku call orang berkali-kali, tapi dia langsung tak dapat incoming call? Ape kes dia juga call aku berkali-kali, katanya the phone ringing, tapi aku langsung tak dapat incoming call, not even messages saying there were missed calls? Ape kes aku text Mak #2 aku ajak pergi konvo, dia tak dapat pun message? Ape kes aku message pujuk abang aku yang merajuk, when he called back I didn't even get incoming call? Haaa?! Saja je nak mengalihkan kasih sayang abang aku kat adik aku yang #2 tuh kan? Wah wah, mane boleh! Itu abang aku bukan abang dia!!

Tapi misunderstandings cleared. I will have a free semi-professional photographer, who was under the tutelage of Daniel Zain himself on my convo. Ngehehehe. No wonder when I found Daniel Zain I find the name to be very familiar. Sifu abang aku rupanya. And that bastard, he bought himself a 3.8 GHz iMac with 24 inch screen. Itu memang pengguna iMac/Canon yang rasa dia superior. Smug bastard.

Oh termembebel merepek-repek.

Esok akan pergi menyesatkan diri mencari WHY Tailor di Ampang pula. Kemudian menyesatkan diri di Puchong pula untuk jumpa sugar daddy dia mahu tengok presentation skills beta. Then malam will proceed to Kepong after picking my dad up from KLIA. Wish me luck!

There now steady love

By Cecilia Carlstedt

We are not cat-haters. We just came from a family (just mom and gramps actually) who forbids pets, specifically cats. So forgive me, if I know so little of cats, kasi potong, what to feed them, and that famous musim mengawan shit. I have/had one friend who's absolutely scared of it. She jumps every time a cat comes close. I, on the other hand, am not scared of them. Except for the adult ones. They scare me when they stare. I think they're unpredictable. I believe they might just jump and attack.

It starts from years ago when we were kids, my little sister, who's more into cats then I was, chased a male cat and it hid underneath a chair. #2 then proceeded to sticking her head underneath it, trying to grab the cat still, so all I can see was, a kid's body, and a big chair attached to it replacing the head. All the sudden she was screaming like crazy, hands flailing in a madly panicked way. Like any epileptic episode, I was just stunned. Turns out the damn cat was scratching her head. Yeah it was her fault but imagine what I had to see, and how that affected me till years to come.

I do not jump, or run, or anything when them felines come near. But I'll get into an alert mode, ready to run. I will not go 'Tsk tsk tsk alaaa chomey nye dieeee" or "Meh, meh sini" and worse, in the middle of people eating, pick up a stray cat and put it on my lap while the cat's God-knows-where-it's-been-to paws and nose on the table, same level with other people's food. Wow. And I am called insensitive.

But after Molat, I am more approachable. No I will not touch it. But I'll give them food. Because sometimes that's all they want. If it's in it's catwoman gedik mode, I'll shove you over to my friends, who would gladly accommodate to you the way they wish their boyfriends would do them.

Looking at how protective and motherly some people are towards their cats, I've always thought that cat people are a little kooky. Yeah I get that it's your baby. Whatever. But it's still a living, breathing animate object that's bound to die, so why add another heartache?

One fine day I had to help my cousin bring her cat to the vet. Because the cat got involved in some gang fight. Spoilt brat, suck it in dude. But hey, its mama worries about the poor thing. So I was the bothered one, finding my way in KJ, looking for a vet that she doesn't have clear directions to, and name she can't remember. And the goddamnfricking cat just won't can it, it kept on meowing probably because of the way I drive. Every time it meows, my cousin will reply.

Meoow..

"Ye.."

Meeeeoowwww...

"Ye sayang..."

Meeeeooowowowowowow

"Ye dah nak sampai ni..."

............... (o_O) ..................

Okay, there are cat lovers, and there are crazy people.

"Kau sorang je ke kat rumah?"

"Hak ah, kalau kucing aku ade, dua orang lah."

It's not orang, stupid!

"Kau tau, tadi dia pergi dating ngan awek dia, dia pergi rumah awek dia amek dia, lepas dating, sweet gila dia siap hantar balik awek dia."

Like the cat's got a motorcycle where he can pick up and drop her off. Uh-huhh.

At one point, my cousin got off the car to ask people for directions. And left the fricking cat in the car with me.

Meow..

".............."

Meooowww....

"Diam ah! Kau ingat aku suka ke pusing-pusing dengan kucing bising dalam tengahari buta panas nak mati ni ha?!"

MEEEOOOOWWW!!!

"Ok ok sorry, aku tau kau pening, sekejap je lagi sampai la, sabar sikit boleh?"

Meow..

And it shut up.





Fuck, I'm crazy.

We dance in a circle and suppose, while the secret sits in the middle and knows

I figured it out. It's because you've never had her. If you've had her, the appeal is gone. The unattainable becomes attainable, attained. The enigma, the mystery vanishes. Dan kau rasa kau sudah cukup kenal dia, there's nothing else to look forward to. THAT is why you're all cuckoo. Not love. Dan memuja dari tepi lebih senang daripada berada di tengah padang. Mungkin bila kau dapat turun padang kau rasakan, ini bukan yang aku betul-betul mahu lagi, dan dirudum hampa. Solution kepada semua masalah emosi adalah closure bukan? Bagaimana kau mahu dapatkan closure itu dalam kes ini? Fuck her. Be with her. Get it over with dan move on.

Eh kau ni, susahkah percaya? Cemburu kerana kau tiada semua itu?

Bukan cemburu, cuma aku tak percaya, sehingga harinya kau menjaga dia yang sudah tua bangka dan nyanyuk, mulut berbau, kencing merata, mata hitamnya putih, dan kau masih cium kelopak matanya sebelum lena dan memeluknya dalam tidurmu, sambil menangisi keadaannya.

Kemudian baru aku cemburu.

He makes the best, richest, bittersweet coffee that would make any potential suitors stick to making JUST tea for the rest of their lives

Along The Beaten Path by Texaswxgirl

I pity you, drivers who had misfortune written in their stars to start their day with an encounter with me. The anti-morning person. Well, if I had slept and woke up in the morning, then I'm a lovely morning person. I'd be chirpy, talkative, smiley, helpful. But my morning's already been disrupted by my sister and brother failing to get ready on time. Them slowpokes fucking annoy me. I rarely go into Inconsiderate Bitch Mode when I drive on highways, but on suburbian tar, with the damn makciks and uncles and bini muda yang mungkin baru dapat lesen, and God knows why, people who find it fun to stroll at 25km/h when kids are rushing to school and adults to work, somehow hog these little roads with lots and LOTS of speed bumps. Them fucking slowpokes annoy me.

Hari ini aku memang pemurah. Sungguh. Langsung tidak kedekut dengan muka ketatku. Kalau biji mata aku boleh pusing 360 darjah rolling at you dayfuckingdreaming too early in the morning, memang aku dah buat 3 pusingan untuk setiap kamu. I hate honking people, because I don't like being honked to. Tapi aku pantang orang yang tidak reti bajet saiz kereta sendiri dan memakan ruang yang tidak diperlukan sehingga mengganggu laluan aku. Irritated Face On. HONK!! Equally ketat-faced Chinese lady turned around and glanced at me, and at the flicks of my wrist I gestured an annoyed wave that says, "MOVE bitch." Ah, sehingga aku rasa tidak sabar untuk melalui hari-hari seperti ini selama 8 tahun seterusnya daripada hidupku sebagai hamba TinyMoney! Kan?

Afterwards, the few cars that annoyed me and resulted in me seething so obviously through my windshield, were courteous enough to raise a hand in apology. And me being, easily appeased as much as I am easily annoyed, can't help but raise a hand and smile in return. Thank goodness, common courtesy is not entirely dead. Now that's done with, all these baby boomers are making me wanna smoke.

Tinggal di suburbia yang tidak jauh dari rimba konkrit, adalah amat leceh aku hendak merokok seorangan di tempat yang aman dan tidak mengganggu ketenteraman orang lain. Tetapi nasib baik, aku jumpa satu spot yang aman tenang dan damai. Kelihatan tupai memanjat pokok pisang, aku melalui lorong di mana kucing-kucing bagaikan penjaga tol, aku duduk bersandar pada railing besi di tebing tinggi atas air yang mengalir separa deras, sambil mendengar burung berkicauan. Angin pagi yang nyaman, aku tutup mata dan hampir menarik nafas dengan dalam-dalam. HAMPIR. Phew. Kerana di seberang longkang besar di mana aku duduk dengan semut-semut yang gatal dengan Nescafe aku ini, adalah sebuah loji. Haha. Tetapi loji itu tak berbau kuat, dan terdapat banyak pokok-pokok berbunga warna putih dan bunga pulut yang membuatkan aku lihat kontra, keamanan dan kecantikan di keliling air proses tahi. Ironic. Tapi nak buat macam mana, nasib orang suburbia.

Sialan. Dengan aku asyik melihat benda-benda menarik yang hanyut sekali dalam air longkang itu, aku terfikir tentang makciks dan pakciks yang telah aku tayangkan sifat kurang ajarku. Aku menyesal. Kerana mereka ini jiran-jiran, barangkali hendak bertemu seperti ketika solat terawih dan events surau adalah tinggi. Selain itu, yang aku menyesal sekali, mereka ini mungkin punya anak yang hot, yang mungkin otaknya cukup tak center untuk jatuh hati pada perempuan bersindrom Tourette, cantik menarik tertarik dan sedikit mereng ini dimasa hadapan. Hancurlah pertemuan dengan ibu bapa kali pertama kedua nanti!

Relax, says another voice. They probably would be so fucking senile and half-blind by the time YOU will get a man who'd take you back to their parents, that they won't even recognize you.

Eh, eh dia ni, kurang ajar sungguh. Ah betul juga. Sebatang lagi mari.