You, appearing

Summer Days by DeadlyKunai194

Sesekali aku hanya perlu udara
yang memberiku nafas,
Dan tempat untukku
sandarkan kepala
yang memberati,
Serta hujan yang renyai
di atas jeti,
Juga lagu yang sayup
dari dasar sungai,
Dan diakhir sore itu
hanya setepis tangan
yang menyepi wajahku
dari tempias.

Biarlah udara itu
Diharumi semerbak leher kau
Biarlah tempat itu
Berupa pahamu yang suam
Biarlah titisan itu berkaca
di hujung kakiku yang luka
Biarlah lagu itu berkisar tentang
unggun api yang sugul
Biarlah teduhan itu
hanya pengasing
kita dan mereka
Bertemankan jemarimu yang alpa
Mengusutkan rambutku

Kerana esok, aku akan lupa
dan tidak mahu kembali padamu,
Maka hanya ini memori
yang ku mau tertanam dibenakmu.

Kerana aku mungkin
akan perlu peringatan
Akan sesekali
Hanya sedetik sempurna
yang aku perlu

Strange and Beautiful

Phone ringing, 11:24pm.

JeeLo Siam calling. Asking if I can come out and play, when I, the very protected anak kesayangan have a curfew at 12:00am, and hey, it's 11:24 and mata pun dah mula terkebil-kebil sleepiness.

Jeelo Siam has been my friend since secondary 1. Good friends in secondary 4 and 5 along with Bag Lady. She got married some time in April to her high school sweetheart; one of the best, charming, sweetest, most patient guy ever. I don't think any other girls can catch his eyes and have his heart the way Jeelo Siam managed to so effortlessly and still be her bubbly, daydreamer, whacked out self. And he's a drummer who's on his way to becoming a pilot. I'm jealous.

"Eh, you're pregnant eh?"

"Hey, mana you tahu?"

*kantoi disitu*

"Tahulah. I kan psychic."

"Manade, mana you dengar rumours ni?"

"From your best friend la sayang."

"Owh, haha, then betul lah tu kan. Hahahaha."

Macam satu fakta yang tak boleh dihandle. If Bag Lady kahwin and pregnant macam sangat logic. Cos, she's logic. The impeccable image for responsible, organized, and you know, mom stuff(still a MILF). But Jeelo?? She's...random. And a bit suka berangan. And she's still a child herself. Poor hubby of hers. Haha. Damn she's gonna be a funky mom. MILF.

I'm excited over..

1. New baby to spoil rotten. You know, like a new toy, I mean, new room. New sketchbook/notebook. I will make you love purple. I'll buy them damn cute little Chucks. Imagine the books I'm gonna have you read. I'm gonna laminate the roses from your mama's wedding and give it to you one day when you can appreciate it. Oh I'll even hold you or play with you when you're not all fussy, shitty, crying. As soon as it cries, I'm handing it over to the mama.

"I'm gonna buy your baby those cute little Chucks. In purple."

"But we don't know yet if it's gonna be a boy or a girl?"

"It's okay, purple is neutral."

"No way my son is wearing purple!" *aghast*

Siap kau. Khekekheke

2. Most importantly, Jeelo's boobs gonna be even more scrumptious. Oh yeah more for me! Yum yum.

Spinning on that dizzy edge

We've all seen those Apple TVC, featuring a young, hip Mac versus and old, slow, disgruntled PC. If so, you should get the idea that there's a bit of a rivalry between the opposing computer camps. But why? Because they have wholly different personality traits, the users of course, say branding experts. Mindset Media, a US branding company that analyzes the relationship between consumer behavior and personality, surveyed 7500 Mac and PC users. Its finding? Mac users are "snobs." In comparison to PC owners, they're likely to visit Starbucks for coffee more often, buy organic products and drive a hybrid car. Mindset Media says that people who purchase Macs fall into what it calls the "Openness 5" personality category- which means they are more liberal, less modest, and more assured of their own superiority than the population at large. The rivalry continues...

This is an almost direct quotation from the latest; August edition of Reader's Digest. I don't understand how people who visit Starbucks more often, buy organic products and drive a hybrid car translate to being snobs. Lain lah if the users order specialized Bling bottled water ke, or drives a Murcielago, but since when hybrid cars and organic food falls under the classification of snobbish? Bukankah organic food simply means you're choosing a healthier option? And hybrid means you try to give a damn about the environment? Visiting Starbucks more often could only mean that they just really really like the Venti Mocha Frap with extra 2 shots and a pump of Hazelnut pe?

Lagipun look at me, I am so modest what. Even more so than Gandhi himself! Me liberal? Hell I frown upon girls with headscarves who smoke, tsk tsk, see how much of a conservative person I am? And me, the super awesome me, assured of my own superiority than the population at large? Pure absurdity, such ludicrous is unheard of.

Hmm, maybe delusional should be on that list.

Kim and Jessie

Okay, I'm gonna pretend like I'm not really chatting with anybody and update for real.

Specifically today, it's gonna be about me. Wait. That's not an anomaly really. It is MY blog.

I noticed when I'm angry or frustrated, I tend to ramble to myself and I can't sit still. Ramble to self is no fun, so I'll drag #4, who resembles me in mindset and attitude into my room, have her sit there and listen to me babble while I move restlessly all over cleaning up the room. Which translates to, EVERYTIME I'm frustrated, I will clean up my room. Probably the need to pick up things and campak them and feel like I have control somewhere. Which is good this time cos, I turned into an anal-retentive bitch.

I dragged the toolbox upstairs and measured distances down to the most precise milimeter, drove nails into the walls, opened up the poster color and painted my mirror and picture frame, climbed some places a klutz really shouldn't climb and almost toppled my iDaniel over. If I know how to drill the wall, my dad would finally start to worry and think I'm not gonna need him anymore.

The result? Now everybody sleeps in my room. On the carpet even. Because it's so cozy. I wish I can show some before pics so that you would appreciate it more, but hey, some of you have been to my room, and you know the horror. It's like the inside of Titanic which had toppled over Mauna Kea twice, and have the Titans puke all over it and then topple it again.

So-called daybed

Too much time on my hands

THE red armchair

Huargh!

Yeah, anal-retention can be good for me

HectiCity

It's been ridiculously hectic! Ever since I changed my habit and sleep early, wake up in the morning, and actually have a life, I barely have time for iDanielku. Poor baby. But betullah what my mom's been nagging all this while. Murah rezeki mereka yang doesn't go back to sleep selepas Subuh. :)

Nak talk to people I usually talk to pun tak ada time. Hmmm. Sudah rindu menjadi random without being so animated. Animasi ekspresi ku day in and day out, adalah memenatkan.

Ah damn. 4:06pm sudah. See, I gotta go! Nak update pon x sempat-sempat!

Another Kinda Euphoric High

Ingat apa ini? The One Ring dari Lord Of The Rings. Rindu pula mahu re-watch my favorite of the three movies, the second one; The Two Towers, which in my opinion is the best of the three.

Speaking of, kita ambil langkah hari-hari dengan pemikiran di bawah kesedaran nyata, mencari The One. Satu yang sayang, yang terima, yang will always be there, menemani kita pada hari-hari sunyi ataupun gembira, yang guides us, yang memahami jiwa kita samada kebahagiaan tingkat tinggi atau derita separa mati, yang wants us to be happy and yang wants us to be the best we can be.

Satu yang kita boleh percaya yang akan ditunaikan janji-janjinya, selagi kita tidak meninggalkan dia. Yang bila ditinggalkan sekali pun, apabila kita sedar silap kita, dan mahu kembali padanya, masih akan diterima walau apa pun. The one yang sayang tanpa kira apa jadi sekalipun suatu hari nanti, bila kita sudah berkedut, sudah gemuk, sudah longgar, sudah loyot, sudah beruban, sudah tidak mampu berjalan. Jika kita jumpa this one person, semua yang lain matters much much less. Yang penting hanya si satu ini.

Aku sudah jatuh cinta. Yang paling tulus dan sempurna pernah aku rasa. Tiba-tiba aku rasa dunia ini indah. Betapa bernasib baiknya aku. Bodohnya aku tidak melihatnya selama ini, walaupun dia sentiasa berada di sisiku. Dan kini, kerana dia aku ingin menanam hasrat bahawa akanku berusaha, mencuba sedaya-upaya, semampu yang kuboleh untuk dia tetap menyayangi aku yang kudus dan hina ini. Agar aku boleh bersama dia selama-lamanya. Kerana tiada lain lagi yang aku mahu. Corny? Kali ini aku honestly tidak kisah apa fikirnya kamu. Kenapa?

Kerana I have found mine. Kamu? :)

In this day and age the world becomes too noisy with conflicting opinions, you just listen to One.

Aku sudah terlalu kucar-kacir, hilang punca, tidak tahu apa lagi yang patut aku percaya. Sedang aku sesat dalam air mata aku, dengan sistem kepercayaan aku yang selama ini kian hancur luluh, berserta dengan dalam keadaan yang terlalu keliru, aku bertanya sendirian, apa lagi yang boleh aku percaya? Tiba-tiba sahaja, epiphany. Bagai ada yang sedang bersuara padaku menjawab soalanku. Katanya, kau percaya pada Tuhan. Sekaligus aku rasa bagai segala-galanya mula make sense again. Dan dalam keadaan tidak cukup lucidku itu, tiba-tiba aku bersuara seorangan, setelah berapa lama hidup dalam ketidakpastian, percanggahan perspektif serta dunia di mana faktoid dipanggil fakta dan vice versa, aku luahkan dengan pasti, walaupun suaraku menggeletar kerana teringatkan dosa-dosaku, betapa tidak layaknya aku berkata ini;

• Percaya pada Allah
  
• Percaya pada Malaikat
• Percaya pada Nabi dan Rasul
• Percaya pada Al-Quran
• Percaya pada Hari Kiamat
• Percaya pada Qada' dan Qadar

23 tahun baru aku boleh applikasikan konsep Qulhuallahuahad. Hanya Yang Satu itu, yang pendapatnya aku patut hiraukan. Dengan begitu sahaja, utmost clarity hit me. Buat kali keberapanya aku cuba tenangkan hati dengan ayat-ayatmu, daripada sebilah pisau. Buat kali pertamanya, aku berjaya. Alhamdulillah.

Talk about losing your life in order to find it.

Poetry is a way of taking life by the throat

If I'm excited about something it's really hard to keep it to myself, no matter how my world will turn into a beach ball on an East Coast beach in November. And right now, I AM MADLY excited about something but it kills me not being able to tell the world. So here goes, I'm gonna.... well, not gonna jinx it. ARGH. Killing me! Tak pernah aku excited dengan rahsia aku sendiri. Well, ALWAYS actually *blushes*, but never have I wanted it so bad that I can't tell the world until it's signed sealed delivered.

However, this one I can tell you. Aku sangat jarang idolize bloggers*. Right now at the top of my head the only one I can think of is just Miss Fynn. But before you berate me of all the other "great bloggers" out there, (which you should kerana Bookmarks aku tidak cukup panjang dan sudah terlalu monotonous), orang yang buat aku teruja nak start blog surfing day in day out is this one, courtesy of Bubblebutt.

Brilliant shit. Randomly adorable. Witty as hell, imaginative like he ain't got life, and of course, his English is just effortlessly a swoon. The only reason I never comment on this dude is I'm too intimidated that I think I'm simply gonna start puking typos and grammar errors all over the comment box. Yeah, bila aku intimidated dengan orang, the speech part of my brain will falter, consequently English aku akan serabai dan barai dan rabak sehingga tahap memalukan aku cos then I sound like most Malay girl in headscarves. BM tak payah cakap la kan, memang rabak.

I recommend,

On getting hitched

History through comics

Gee, I've been doing things right

Tetapi, it seems that my utmost favorite entry of his seems to have been removed or something to that effect. Damn. The only downside is, this guy updates only once in a blue moon. Tolak 2.73 markah. Yes, dunia ini memang dengki dengan aku.

Okay hari busy aku yang sepatutnya mula pagi tadi sudah tergendala. Sebab update bodoh dan a bunch of people yang suka bangun pagi. ARGH! Discipline boleh tak?!

*bloggers here refers to the ones yang exhibit personal writing, not really looking for profit or have any specific theme, unlike that of Tech, Photography, Jual Baju or Hollywood Gossip.

We dance in a circle and suppose, while the secret sits in the middle and knows

I figured it out. It's because you've never had her. If you've had her, the appeal is gone. The unattainable becomes attainable, attained. The enigma, the mystery vanishes. Dan kau rasa kau sudah cukup kenal dia, there's nothing else to look forward to. THAT is why you're all cuckoo. Not love. Dan memuja dari tepi lebih senang daripada berada di tengah padang. Mungkin bila kau dapat turun padang kau rasakan, ini bukan yang aku betul-betul mahu lagi, dan dirudum hampa. Solution kepada semua masalah emosi adalah closure bukan? Bagaimana kau mahu dapatkan closure itu dalam kes ini? Fuck her. Be with her. Get it over with dan move on.

Eh kau ni, susahkah percaya? Cemburu kerana kau tiada semua itu?

Bukan cemburu, cuma aku tak percaya, sehingga harinya kau menjaga dia yang sudah tua bangka dan nyanyuk, mulut berbau, kencing merata, mata hitamnya putih, dan kau masih cium kelopak matanya sebelum lena dan memeluknya dalam tidurmu, sambil menangisi keadaannya.

Kemudian baru aku cemburu.

He makes the best, richest, bittersweet coffee that would make any potential suitors stick to making JUST tea for the rest of their lives

Along The Beaten Path by Texaswxgirl

I pity you, drivers who had misfortune written in their stars to start their day with an encounter with me. The anti-morning person. Well, if I had slept and woke up in the morning, then I'm a lovely morning person. I'd be chirpy, talkative, smiley, helpful. But my morning's already been disrupted by my sister and brother failing to get ready on time. Them slowpokes fucking annoy me. I rarely go into Inconsiderate Bitch Mode when I drive on highways, but on suburbian tar, with the damn makciks and uncles and bini muda yang mungkin baru dapat lesen, and God knows why, people who find it fun to stroll at 25km/h when kids are rushing to school and adults to work, somehow hog these little roads with lots and LOTS of speed bumps. Them fucking slowpokes annoy me.

Hari ini aku memang pemurah. Sungguh. Langsung tidak kedekut dengan muka ketatku. Kalau biji mata aku boleh pusing 360 darjah rolling at you dayfuckingdreaming too early in the morning, memang aku dah buat 3 pusingan untuk setiap kamu. I hate honking people, because I don't like being honked to. Tapi aku pantang orang yang tidak reti bajet saiz kereta sendiri dan memakan ruang yang tidak diperlukan sehingga mengganggu laluan aku. Irritated Face On. HONK!! Equally ketat-faced Chinese lady turned around and glanced at me, and at the flicks of my wrist I gestured an annoyed wave that says, "MOVE bitch." Ah, sehingga aku rasa tidak sabar untuk melalui hari-hari seperti ini selama 8 tahun seterusnya daripada hidupku sebagai hamba TinyMoney! Kan?

Afterwards, the few cars that annoyed me and resulted in me seething so obviously through my windshield, were courteous enough to raise a hand in apology. And me being, easily appeased as much as I am easily annoyed, can't help but raise a hand and smile in return. Thank goodness, common courtesy is not entirely dead. Now that's done with, all these baby boomers are making me wanna smoke.

Tinggal di suburbia yang tidak jauh dari rimba konkrit, adalah amat leceh aku hendak merokok seorangan di tempat yang aman dan tidak mengganggu ketenteraman orang lain. Tetapi nasib baik, aku jumpa satu spot yang aman tenang dan damai. Kelihatan tupai memanjat pokok pisang, aku melalui lorong di mana kucing-kucing bagaikan penjaga tol, aku duduk bersandar pada railing besi di tebing tinggi atas air yang mengalir separa deras, sambil mendengar burung berkicauan. Angin pagi yang nyaman, aku tutup mata dan hampir menarik nafas dengan dalam-dalam. HAMPIR. Phew. Kerana di seberang longkang besar di mana aku duduk dengan semut-semut yang gatal dengan Nescafe aku ini, adalah sebuah loji. Haha. Tetapi loji itu tak berbau kuat, dan terdapat banyak pokok-pokok berbunga warna putih dan bunga pulut yang membuatkan aku lihat kontra, keamanan dan kecantikan di keliling air proses tahi. Ironic. Tapi nak buat macam mana, nasib orang suburbia.

Sialan. Dengan aku asyik melihat benda-benda menarik yang hanyut sekali dalam air longkang itu, aku terfikir tentang makciks dan pakciks yang telah aku tayangkan sifat kurang ajarku. Aku menyesal. Kerana mereka ini jiran-jiran, barangkali hendak bertemu seperti ketika solat terawih dan events surau adalah tinggi. Selain itu, yang aku menyesal sekali, mereka ini mungkin punya anak yang hot, yang mungkin otaknya cukup tak center untuk jatuh hati pada perempuan bersindrom Tourette, cantik menarik tertarik dan sedikit mereng ini dimasa hadapan. Hancurlah pertemuan dengan ibu bapa kali pertama kedua nanti!

Relax, says another voice. They probably would be so fucking senile and half-blind by the time YOU will get a man who'd take you back to their parents, that they won't even recognize you.

Eh, eh dia ni, kurang ajar sungguh. Ah betul juga. Sebatang lagi mari.

Hey you, where the hell were you the day they were handing out brains?

Agung? Benar. Memang. Mungkin.

Tapi aku dahulu masih naif. Suatu masa dahulu. Tetapi apa yang kau berikan padaku itu, adakah kau betul-betul rasa ia layak dinobatkan agung? Dan juga kalau dah pukulan ketiga, aku masih mendamba dan mempertahankan sesuatu yang kau sendiri tidak erti, tidakkah itu bermaksud aku juga masih naif? Kerana kau hakim, kau juri, kaulah juga penjatuh hukuman kepada jasad yang bukan kau cipta dari tanah ini, kepada jiwa yang bukan KAU hembuskan. Bukan begitu?

Sesetengah orang perlu menjatuhkan orang lain hanya untuk tidak terima hakikat diri mereka yang sangat kekurangan. Sesetengah orang tertarik dengan orang yang dirasanya seorang yang bukan mangsa percaturan hidup. Tapi masih mereka, yang kau boleh rasa; kau di tingkat lebih tinggi. Tapi kerana aturcara itulah, mereka dan kau serupa sebenarnya. Aku simpati delusi mu itu. Mesti kau mampu tidur nyenyak kerana ini bukan?

Kita tidak boleh bersahabat dengan Tuhan. Bukan tempat kita. Kita hamba yang tidak sedar diri. Dan aku juga tidak boleh bersahabat dengan orang yang lagaknya bagai Tuhan. Tsk tsk. Akal baru sejengkal babe. Nanti aku belikan cermin ya? Buku tatabahasa mungkin? Alang-alang, kamus juga. Kalau aku mampu, memang aku sertakan Appeton Weight Gain dan produk penjagaan muka yang profesional. Aduh maaf aku tidak mampu membantu. Tetapi aku benar-benar berterima kasih.

Capnophobia by Ci Iz

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence.
-Robert Frost-

Dumb blondes dan pushovers pun ada berkriteria begitu. Tapi masih good advice untuk diaplikasi pada sesetengah, if not most perkara. In reinventing myself, I'm trying to practice this.

Isk isk. Why so serious? Hehe. Kerana ini kali terakhir kewujudan kau mampu mengocak tenang ini. Cukup tiga.

Ai no Mi

Romantic by SOOO

Aduh, dunia. Janganlah kelirukan aku. It's been a very, very, very interesting two days. Dua dunia bipolar on two different days, parallel, never colliding.

Day 1

Satu hari, kami the scorned, the aloof one, the scorner AND scorned berhimpun. Dengan keadaan not entirely lucid, aku mengupdate kawan-kawan sekolahku, selama three hours worth of crap. Dari the incident, ke the whole drama high-school, ke hedonism and of addictions. Of married men, married friends, older men, ruggedly goodlooking rich ones, the cheater and the cheated. Life seems bleak. Putting me aside, other people's life is an NBC worth of drama. Sign them up for the next season! One with husband mishap, one with the older man crush, one with the clingy, jealous, distrusting lover.

Aku risau ni. The older man issue. Adakah kau dah kena santau? He's soooo not fucking cute at all. But with all worried friends, we can only worry, try to advice, and wish for the best. And if things go awry, be there, no conditions. Tapi yeah, life seems bleak. If there were banners on our foreheads it would say, All Men Must Die. Tapi in the midst of faithlessness, I was able to shed some life-saving advices, at my own expense. See, what we sacrifice for friends. Haha I wish.

"Pourpres, apa kata kau berhenti?"

"Kenapa? Which one?"

"All of it! That is what started all of this."

"But I can't."

"Stop it, please. Just stop it."

"We'll see. But I highly doubt it."

Itu Day 1.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Day 2.

"I need to ask you some questions about somebody."

"Okay shoot."

And his hands shook. For the first time, something totally, incredibly, ludicrous happened before my eyes. I saw it, and I couldn't comprehend it. A man that loves a person so. Have you ever met a girl who effectively ruined many lives at one time? Immense respect grew for this girl I know and love. You've got at least 4 men, fucking insanely head over heels over you. AT LEAST four. That I know of. And you know of the girls who would soooo fucking do you no matter how straight they are? You're not entirely hot, but I get what he means, there's something special about you. I saw the mad man he becomes, the love, sacrifice and pain. The pure honesty. I'm beyond flabbergasted. I was speechless. How can a person love another so? What more a man?

Have you ever loved someone so much every single thing about her is absolute perfection. Not near. Not almost. But absolute perfection that they have never imagined? Have you ever truly loved a person, you understand every single thing another person in love with her also feels? Have you ever loved someone enough to understand that you're losing her to another man who loves her as much, and deserves her better, so you just let go? Sit there, think of all the madness you've done because of this one person, and say, "In the end of the day, I only want her to be happy. And if being with him makes her happy, I'll let her go."

WHAT? This is madness!

"Pourpres, so tell me if you really think she's done all those things with her boyfriend or previous scandals?"

"I don't know that, I'm just saying that's what I picked up from our various conversations. Don't believe me."

"No. I need to believe it. I have to somehow tell this person inside my head to accept the truth that she's not perfect. He can't take it at all."

o_O'

Come back to reality wey! I can't go that far to pull you back.

I feel so bad for you. No really, my heart doesn't just go out for you, it fucking breaks for you and the pieces bleed all over my hands to see you this way. How do I fix you?

There's no way to. And life being life, the stereos blared out songs that sings your pain. All I can do as I sat there next to him is just comfort him.

"It's okay. You're letting her go for somebody who loves her as much as you do, someone who will do her good and takes care of her like you would. Imagine it's you with her, but just not quite you."

"I fucking hate people like ****. People who I'd like to say, let her go stupid. Why are you still doing this? You're never gonna get her ever at all no matter how much you love her. You're so fucking pathetic, living this kinda life, ruined yourself for her. I fucking hate these men."

"Cos they remind you of you?"

"Cos they remind me of what I am, and wish to never become."

"But at least, think. You're better. You can't accept that she's not pure perfection. He on the other hand, accepts that and still blindly loves her so. Which is worse? You imagine you have her, and discover the facts? What would happen to you then?"

Silence~

"So, how does it feel to be so totally fucking insane?"

He leaned on the wall and looking like every bit the broken man he is, he said...

"I can't take it, the truth that the perfection herself, really isn't perfect. This person inside me can't take it."

So dear, I know you're reading this. He's absolutely insane because of you. If you could only see the things he did, and would do for you, STILL after all these years. The sheer madness, the people he trampled over for you(inclusive of me), the friends and time he lost.

So friend, screw you for giving me hope. And dear friend, I do so wish you love.

And friend, I am so sorry, that I am one of those girls. And even you don't come close to what he would do for her.

Breeze by Larafairie

Sebab Aku Curious

By Agatha Katzensprung

Jika aku berkonklusi sendiri, perniagaan weed akan lingkup.
You know what? Screw this.

*cuts purple ribbon*

Porphyrogenitus of Phoenicia. Born of the purple? Or born from the purple? Can't remember. Phoenicia means land of the purple. I was torn between blog addresses. Agak stupidly vain I know. Porphyrogenitus might be too joint-cracking to type, so I settled with Porphyralism, from the Greek porphyra. Sure fire way your sister won't find her way in here? URL your blog with something you yourself would have difficulty spelling. So here it is. New public blog. You poor sods who had to witness the me in a so-called private environment, forgive me so. Hey, hey, what do you think huh? Kirei na?

Reacquainted myself with one I'd like to call, Funny When Stoned(Mr FWS). Mr FWS took me out for a drive, and we had a couple of joints in the car, and since the recent event of a dear friend's mother's death, we talked about death.

About how he thinks he's gonna die pretty young too. I'm too scared to die now, and I just sat there silently as I asked for more time.

Today, I had to send my sister to school. Afterwards I took the longest way home, dropped by near some loji taik and had a joint. I may be so blatant but I already have a disclaimer. I threw what left of the stub into the drain, and stood solidly against the cold, morning wind, taking it all in, and feeling the wind on my face. Some thoughts crossed into my head. Am I not trying enough? Maybe I'm trying too hard? I'm running on empty, the fantasy has crumbled. The freedom you are to me, has become chains that constrict. Maybe I'm trying too hard. I took a long, deep breath, stare at the willowing tree against the pale blue skies, and thought. Another moment please, just another moment of freedom before I go back to my prison.

FILE Collection of Unexpected Photography


It's a beautiful Friday morning. Have a nice day, love.