Ai no Mi

Romantic by SOOO

Aduh, dunia. Janganlah kelirukan aku. It's been a very, very, very interesting two days. Dua dunia bipolar on two different days, parallel, never colliding.

Day 1

Satu hari, kami the scorned, the aloof one, the scorner AND scorned berhimpun. Dengan keadaan not entirely lucid, aku mengupdate kawan-kawan sekolahku, selama three hours worth of crap. Dari the incident, ke the whole drama high-school, ke hedonism and of addictions. Of married men, married friends, older men, ruggedly goodlooking rich ones, the cheater and the cheated. Life seems bleak. Putting me aside, other people's life is an NBC worth of drama. Sign them up for the next season! One with husband mishap, one with the older man crush, one with the clingy, jealous, distrusting lover.

Aku risau ni. The older man issue. Adakah kau dah kena santau? He's soooo not fucking cute at all. But with all worried friends, we can only worry, try to advice, and wish for the best. And if things go awry, be there, no conditions. Tapi yeah, life seems bleak. If there were banners on our foreheads it would say, All Men Must Die. Tapi in the midst of faithlessness, I was able to shed some life-saving advices, at my own expense. See, what we sacrifice for friends. Haha I wish.

"Pourpres, apa kata kau berhenti?"

"Kenapa? Which one?"

"All of it! That is what started all of this."

"But I can't."

"Stop it, please. Just stop it."

"We'll see. But I highly doubt it."

Itu Day 1.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Day 2.

"I need to ask you some questions about somebody."

"Okay shoot."

And his hands shook. For the first time, something totally, incredibly, ludicrous happened before my eyes. I saw it, and I couldn't comprehend it. A man that loves a person so. Have you ever met a girl who effectively ruined many lives at one time? Immense respect grew for this girl I know and love. You've got at least 4 men, fucking insanely head over heels over you. AT LEAST four. That I know of. And you know of the girls who would soooo fucking do you no matter how straight they are? You're not entirely hot, but I get what he means, there's something special about you. I saw the mad man he becomes, the love, sacrifice and pain. The pure honesty. I'm beyond flabbergasted. I was speechless. How can a person love another so? What more a man?

Have you ever loved someone so much every single thing about her is absolute perfection. Not near. Not almost. But absolute perfection that they have never imagined? Have you ever truly loved a person, you understand every single thing another person in love with her also feels? Have you ever loved someone enough to understand that you're losing her to another man who loves her as much, and deserves her better, so you just let go? Sit there, think of all the madness you've done because of this one person, and say, "In the end of the day, I only want her to be happy. And if being with him makes her happy, I'll let her go."

WHAT? This is madness!

"Pourpres, so tell me if you really think she's done all those things with her boyfriend or previous scandals?"

"I don't know that, I'm just saying that's what I picked up from our various conversations. Don't believe me."

"No. I need to believe it. I have to somehow tell this person inside my head to accept the truth that she's not perfect. He can't take it at all."

o_O'

Come back to reality wey! I can't go that far to pull you back.

I feel so bad for you. No really, my heart doesn't just go out for you, it fucking breaks for you and the pieces bleed all over my hands to see you this way. How do I fix you?

There's no way to. And life being life, the stereos blared out songs that sings your pain. All I can do as I sat there next to him is just comfort him.

"It's okay. You're letting her go for somebody who loves her as much as you do, someone who will do her good and takes care of her like you would. Imagine it's you with her, but just not quite you."

"I fucking hate people like ****. People who I'd like to say, let her go stupid. Why are you still doing this? You're never gonna get her ever at all no matter how much you love her. You're so fucking pathetic, living this kinda life, ruined yourself for her. I fucking hate these men."

"Cos they remind you of you?"

"Cos they remind me of what I am, and wish to never become."

"But at least, think. You're better. You can't accept that she's not pure perfection. He on the other hand, accepts that and still blindly loves her so. Which is worse? You imagine you have her, and discover the facts? What would happen to you then?"

Silence~

"So, how does it feel to be so totally fucking insane?"

He leaned on the wall and looking like every bit the broken man he is, he said...

"I can't take it, the truth that the perfection herself, really isn't perfect. This person inside me can't take it."

So dear, I know you're reading this. He's absolutely insane because of you. If you could only see the things he did, and would do for you, STILL after all these years. The sheer madness, the people he trampled over for you(inclusive of me), the friends and time he lost.

So friend, screw you for giving me hope. And dear friend, I do so wish you love.

And friend, I am so sorry, that I am one of those girls. And even you don't come close to what he would do for her.

Breeze by Larafairie