Why do you listen, when nobody's talking?

Snappish snappish snappish. Too early in the morning to be running errands, I turned into that impatient, panas-baran, berrating bitch again. #3 annoyed me by being a blardy slowpoke. WHY, would a boy take SO fucking long to shower in a cold morning?? Kau teguk air ke bongok? Baru je sahur kot? Pagi-pagi dah kedengaran riuh bagaikan The Furies yang menendang pintu bilik air sambil memaki si jantan yang mandi macam betina.

I wonder if your moms have this habit of, say you're in an argument, she asks a question, you answer it and she retorts with, "Haa menjawab, MENJAWAB!"

"Apsal you do that jugak? Saja nak degil ke apa?"

"Hak ah"

"Ha tengok tu menjawab! Siapa suruh awak menjawab?"

"Dah mak tanya orang jawab ah"

"Tengok tu menjawab lagi!"

da efff?!

Antara conversation tak matang yang keluarga aku perlu dengar from time to time satu masa dahulu. Moms have this habit. Asking questions berulang kali tapi tanak jawapan. I don't. When I morph into a raging bull, and I ask questions, I want an answer, and I want it now. #5 failed at this earlier this morning, usually her slowpokeness and off-topicness is tolerable, cos she's the baby right, but nooo. SNAP SNAP SNAP.

"Do I look like your mother? Asks questions she doesn't want people answering? If I bloody ask something you fricking answer it, correctly and quick!"

Oh my, PMS the pre-historic monster creeps all the way into current. No sleep+crazy hormones. I realize I'm being a jerk, but it just came out anyways, I realize this poor thing has got UPSR today and I better not rattle her up so early in the day, but it came out anyways. I realize this is no longer the person I want to be, but it's still part of me, and it came out anyways. And it feels liberating somehow.

Reached school, she's all quiet because she's afraid she might be walking on thin ice. Anything she say could be reason for fireworks to go off in the car. I feel bad, I don't want her to start her day such way.

"Okay #5, you can do it. Prayers and confidence. Be alert jangan berangan."

"Okay."

"Forget about yesterday's paper, it's in the past it means shit now cos you can't do anything about it. Today, you can still do something about today, so jangan fikir dah about the 3 questions that you hentam-ed yesterday."

"I didn't hentam, teacher said to call it intelligent guesses."

"HAHAHA, Uhhh.. Right, in my day they call it lempar dadu. Yours is a better euphemism."

"What's that, yew-fur-mizem?"

"AND YOU SAID YOU CONCENTRATED IN SCIENCE COS YOUR ENGLISH IS ALREADY THAT GOOD?!"

"Kitaorang tak pernah blaja pon perkataan tu!"

"Okay okay nevermind. Later I tell you, now get out of my car. Remember what I said, forget about yesterday, it's done with, but you can still change today."

"Thanks, by the way, you give better advice than mom."

*hinsh hinsh kembang idong*

By that I know what she means, mom is a critique. It's what she does best. She will never say, "It's okay, it's just 3 questions you didn't get to answer."

She will say, "How come you didn't have enough time? Because you wasted time on other questions right? Because you didn't study enough when I told you to right?"

I do that too, but I soften it up with other extras, ie; encouragements. I got that part from my dad.

Random kah. Yeah I'm feeling a bit under the weather. Severely annoyed, rimas, and semak, especially so thinking about SSEAYP. Another hellish 2 days, this weekend. Stuff about visa and documents and attires. Fook. Mana nak cari traditional costume. I'm no Halloween freak. Damn.

Another one of my pastel crayon sketches, born out of whim.